WAH! I am…confident!?
I’m not sure when I became unconfident. I think it happened slowly.
I finally knew that my confidence was something I needed to address when I caught myself saying I “couldn’t” do things that I wanted to do because I didn’t feel capable or “good enough” to do them.
During my first weekend training as a yoga teacher, I realized how much my lack of confidence was creating a certain kind of sadness, and acknowledged that I felt a lack of joy in my life. My classmates and I were receiving amazing wisdom and tools. We would practice the exercises and share our thoughts and experiences. But when it was my time to share, I didn’t feel like my thoughts and feelings were worthy of being shared.
I see now, that I wasn’t yet ready to be open, vulnerable, and share what was in my heart. And I didn’t feel comfortable vocalizing my own thoughts, so my mind would freeze when asked a question.
The strategy I had formed to get through this challenge, was to wait quietly until someone else answered the question. In doing so, I was able to create a quiet little cozy “nest” for myself. And, when I did speak, the words “I’m not sure” or “I don’t know” that came out of my mouth were different from what I wanted to say. So, somewhere along the way, I realized that I was out of practice. Out of practice of speaking up, speaking my truth, and speaking what was in my heart.
“Are you fully living your potential?” At the end of my second weekend, my teacher instructed, “Alright you have five minutes to choose something that you’ve learned and teach it to the rest of the class this weekend. Give one benefit, an interesting fact, and lead us through it.” I had a mini inner panic and thought to myself, “I didn’t even get to practice.” I spent most of the five scrambling through ideas about what I wanted to teach. My teacher asked, “Who wants to go first?” I did not volunteer. I tried to stay grounded, breathing slowly and holding onto the mudra that helps words flow (which I’d recently learned). Eventually, it was my turn. I started to speak and my body began to shake slightly. I couldn’t stop this visceral response.
I got through it, but afterward, I thought, “where did that 19-year old girl go? The one with so much confidence who could speak up, give a presentation, and figure skate in front of thousands of people?” I wanted to have that feeling of confidence and freedom again. Suddenly, the awareness sunk in that someday soon I would be teaching an entire 90 minutes of Shakti Naam Yoga Class.
I spoke with a beautiful friend about my fear, and she reminded me that I get to teach, not that I have to teach. So, began my quest…..to be confident again.That was my goal, CONFIDENCE. And, I was going to need to “face it until I made it!”
And so I began.
In addition to using my sound meditation practice through Naam, I began regularly practicing affirmations. Three minutes of “Wah! I am confident!” If you’re new to Naam, you’re likely wondering “Wah!? What is Wah?” Wah is the feeling of indescribable joy! Next, I added the Confidence Mudra (hand position in photo) to the affirmations. This was my go-to affirmation. I added these three minutes to my morning meditation and another three minutes in the car on the ride home from dropping my children off at school. Anytime a negative response or thought came up about myself, I would say the affirmation. By the 5th weekend of my teacher training, people started mentioning that they noticed a difference in me. They told me that I seemed more confident.
It’s been 15 months since I started this journey towards confidence. Since then, I’ve taught over 50 Shakti Naam Classes and I have loved leading every single one. Sure, I still get nervous and excited, and occasionally I still have doubts. But, those feelings don’t limit me or stop me as they used to in the past. I continue to put my practice into action to be more confident as I challenge myself to do things that make me feel vulnerable in life. I do this because I want to share who I am with others. I do this because becoming more confident feels empowering and is leading me to experience more freedom, trust, and creativity. And, it comes from a place of love. I do these affirmations every day because it works for me.
Do your words nourish, uplift, and empower you and others? Do your words create more of what you wish to see in the world? How would your life be if you used the power of the WORD to strengthen you?